You have some sort of effect on me, and I cant say that I am a fan of it. I am more myself with you than anyone else. I am more happy with you, talking to you, than with anyone else. I have to act like I dont feel anything for you because I am afraid of rejection. You are everything I did not know I wanted. You are the first thing I think of when the sun rises and wake me every morning, and you come back in my mind when I rest it at night. But I struggle with knowing what love really is. Its not something I can touch like the ocean, or something I point to like concrete and say what it is. and I cant make sure stays the same. I think I am going to have to just be secretly in love with you, and just be happy with that. I can walk around all day and tell myself that I am happy where I am. That I dont need or want you, or even love you. But you know what? When the world quiets down, and the only thing disturbing the silence is my thoughts, I think of every word I want to say and how I would say it. I can control my actions, I can control how I look when I say something I dont mean, I can not control my emotions, its what makes us human. I can tell my eyes, my hands, my voice to convey what I want it to, but the heart can not be enlightened of what common sense tells you is bad for you. I have loved no one but you. Yet you are far from me, and I am here. Alone. Just because you feel it, doesnt mean its there. We may not find our way out of this maze that we wind our way through day after day, and if we do, its not to say we will find our way out at the same time together, but, in the meantime, I would not prefer being lost with anyone else.